Jenna Livingston |
Hey, Allen
This is Jenna. Cheri told me you emailed her requesting a visit. Sorry
I wasn't I here...I took the boys to the playground while Megan took
her morning nap and Cheri was kind enough to watch her for me while I
was gone.
We've absolutely loved having her here! What a blessing she is to me
and of course to Andy and the kids, too. I feel such a closeness to
her and I love her company. I cringe to think she can only be here
with us so briefly and that I have to send her back to Idaho soon.
Well, enough beating around the bush. I'll just tell you what
transpired when I got home from the playground. Cheri read me and Andy
(over the phone while he was at work) the email you sent her about
visiting and she asked him if he would like to take advantage of the
opportunity to see you this weekend. He absolutely, without pause or
thought said no. I don't think you're probably too surprised at that.
Cheri and I both tried to encourage him without pressing too hard, but
he doesn't want anything to do with you right now or with you seeing
the kids for that matter.
Before I sat down to email you I gave the boys a bath, took out the
trash and decided I'd call him one last time to see if he'd at least
consider allowing me to come and visit with you for a while Saturday
or Sunday. Cheri and I were hopeful he would at least go for that. I
could tell you about the kids, give you some photos, etc., but he said
no (in short).
So, unfortunately it looks like that's out of the question. He also
doesn't want you having our contact information outside of email
addresses. He said you have his and just in case you lost it here it
is, andy_designer@hotmail.com.
He did say I could email you photos and tell you a bit of what's going
on here. So I'll do that. But first I want to tell you a few things.
You've heard from every single one of us in this family the whole
gammit of what we all think of you. I mean, you messed up...super bad.
You know that, of course. And so I'll spare you all the things that
Andy has problems with because you know it all at this point, I'm
sure. (ie: screwing up the family name, treating mom the way you have,
being a waffling fence-sitter, and a covenant breaker, and huge
hypocrite to name a few specifics.)
But I don't know how much you really know about your Andy's love for
you. It could be a trait of the youngest child, but I think he's been
hurt the hardest by this whole fiasco. I know that's a pretty
subjective thing to say. But the memory that keeps coming back to my
mind whenever I have the courage to talk to him about you is the night
Andy and I were married.
That night he and I knelt together for our very first family prayer
and he said it. He thanked heavenly Father for me and for the
eternities that we were going to be able to spend together because of
the covenants we were going to keep with one another and Him. He
thanked Him for the special day, thanked Him for me. Then he stopped
and I heard nothing. I opened my eyes to see what he was so quiet
about and he was crying. Not tearing up, but crying. I've never seen
him cry like that since. Then he continued his prayer, "I thank Thee
so much for my own dad and for the great man that he is....the example
he has set for me to know what a good husband and father is. I pray I
can be at least half the man that he is. I will do my best to be that
for Thee and for Jenna."
What a way to start our life together, but you can imagine the punch
in the stomach he had when he discovered you weren't what he thought
you were. He says he's forgiven you, Allen, but obviously that's not
totally true. I don't know where his mind is with this whole thing,
but he's taking this very hard and isn't seeming to let up.
Cheri and I have carefully tried to talk to him, encourage him to open
communications with you but he's just "not ready yet" as he puts it.
I also want you to know that Cheri has been such an ally to you with
this. She's a better woman than I am, I can tell you that right now,
because if you were my husband I would not be so quick to be talking
my kids into having anything to do with you. She has always somehow
said the best things about you and she has only tried to uplift your
image to Andy. I don't know how she gets her heart to do that, but
it's softened my view of you so if I were you I'd be worshiping the
ground that lady walks on.
And then last, but certainly not least, the kids...
They are amazing and loving and smart and so darn fun! I feel sorry
for you that you don't know them. I was so shocked when I heard you
had asked about Ryan and how he's doing and wondering how intelligent
he was and stuff. I can tell you one thing...there's not a sharper
knife in the drawer. I home school Ian in Kindergarten (or did, he's
going into first grade now) and I can't tell you how many of the
questions I gave Ian on his tests that Ian couldn't answer, but Ryan
could. But I'll get to Ryan in a minute.
Ian is 6, 50 lbs, 46 inches tall, bright blond hair, gorgeous blue
eyes, pink healthy skin and a smile that melts everyones heart and
brightens everyone's day. He's so active and smart, but he's a bit of
a space cadet and his mind is everywhere all at once. He's listening
about 40% of the time so things have to repeated all the time to him,
sometimes louder than others. He's got the most infectious laughter
and laughs very hard about 65% of the day. He's got an imagination
that draws in every bit of his surroundings and he has a best friend
on every playground in the valley, whether they want to be his friend
or not. He just expects their friendship and they don't ask questions.
He has fun everywhere he goes and in everything he does. He's also an
avid video gamer. He loves Andy's recent game, Kung Fu Panda, the very
best and is doing Kung Fu moves all over the house. He loves his
brother and sister and though me makes them cry sometimes it's usually
because he's being too fun...too much fun, too rough, but it's not
long before it all erupts into laughter and hilarity. He's a leader
and a very good boy. I love that I get to be his mommy. He's a mommy
and daddy's boy. Every night he has to get "squishes and lovies" from
both of us before he can go to sleep. He's full of affection and love
for his family and is quick to give a hug and a kind word. He's a
great kid.
Ryan is 4 years old (5 in Oct), and is 36 inches tall, weighs 28 lbs,
has shiny, curly, honey-blond hair, huge puppy dog dark brown eyes,
and a sweet partly toothless smile with the sweetest dimples to go
with it. He is amazing. I know you've probably heard that before in
connection with the miracle of his birth and life, but in just the
everyday things, too. He's the most active kid I have ever known. He
puts every other kid to shame on the playground and makes other
parents nervous with the creative ways he uses the jungle gyms, swing
sets, etc. He's always climbing on or up something, anything,
everything. He also jumps off everything, no matter how high they are
(well, within reason). He's got no fear unless he's in water. He loves
to play in water, but he's so scared to go out past the steps unless
he's in mommy or daddy's arms. He's alway laughing, but more than that
he's singing. He has the prettiest little boy voice. He can listen to
any song and have all the words memorized. He helps Ian on primary
songs and is usually the one that conducts the music in Family Home
Evenings. Just this morning he was waiting for breakfast and was
singing, in his own little world, with full vibrato and everything. He
has no interest in video games but loves to watch Ian play. They have
a very symbiotic relationship. He's a bit lazy and will play with the
toys all over his room while Ian cleans up all around him. He plays
hard and is always laughing with Ian. He laughs at everything Megan
does and finds it such fun to "chase" her around the couch. He loves
to read, and though he can't actually read yet he's always having me
sit down with him with a chapter book. Ian can't sit still long enough
to read these kinds of books, but Ryan just loves chapter books. We
recently finished the Spiderwick series (5 books long) and he likes to
dress up and do his hair like Jared Grace. He loves hugsand cuddles
from his mommy and daddy and he's so small he fits perfectly in our
arms and with how active he is he takes precious moments to just relax
in our arms and allow us to snuggle with him. Cherished times.
Megan is 1 (July 3), 30 inches long, 20 lbs and has very curly brown
locks, grayish blue eyes and 7 teeth with one more on the way. She's
not walking yet but is standing with help from furniture and is so
precious. She's active and her favorite thing to do is climb the
stairs which she hasn't figured out how to climb back down yet. She
has a heart-shaped birth mark on the tip of her nose and she's got
pudgy sweet legs and arms. She's perfect. She loves her big brothers
and follows them everywhere they go. When she's up in their room and
playing with something they don't want her to play with they put her
on "time out" on the bed with a toy they pick out for her. We're
working that out. She says "mommy, mama, daddy, hi, bye, and
night-night" She hates to have her hair done up and loves to clap and
sing and do patty cake. She doesn't suck her thumb and loves to hug on
stuffed animals. She's very much a girl and squeals her disapproval of
not getting her way. I've never heard a pitch that high before...it's
blood curdling and we're working on that too. She's precious and
wonderful and she makes this place just that much more fun.
So, that's the kids. I'm including some pictures that I took for
Andy's birthday. For a long time he's asked me for some framed photos
of the family so I took each kid out and photographed them and had
them framed for him to take to work. He loves them and shows them to
his colleagues...so I'll send them to you.
I wish things didn't have to be this way. I wish none of this had ever
taken place with you. Most of all I wish I had known the person that
Andy believes you were when he was young. I never knew him. That's sad
for me. But I'm glad I could write and "talk to you". I hope you have
a safe trip. Sorry it's not working out to see Andy.
Jenna
PS, I've included a few more photos we've taken in the last year, too.
This is Jenna. Cheri told me you emailed her requesting a visit. Sorry
I wasn't I here...I took the boys to the playground while Megan took
her morning nap and Cheri was kind enough to watch her for me while I
was gone.
We've absolutely loved having her here! What a blessing she is to me
and of course to Andy and the kids, too. I feel such a closeness to
her and I love her company. I cringe to think she can only be here
with us so briefly and that I have to send her back to Idaho soon.
Well, enough beating around the bush. I'll just tell you what
transpired when I got home from the playground. Cheri read me and Andy
(over the phone while he was at work) the email you sent her about
visiting and she asked him if he would like to take advantage of the
opportunity to see you this weekend. He absolutely, without pause or
thought said no. I don't think you're probably too surprised at that.
Cheri and I both tried to encourage him without pressing too hard, but
he doesn't want anything to do with you right now or with you seeing
the kids for that matter.
Before I sat down to email you I gave the boys a bath, took out the
trash and decided I'd call him one last time to see if he'd at least
consider allowing me to come and visit with you for a while Saturday
or Sunday. Cheri and I were hopeful he would at least go for that. I
could tell you about the kids, give you some photos, etc., but he said
no (in short).
So, unfortunately it looks like that's out of the question. He also
doesn't want you having our contact information outside of email
addresses. He said you have his and just in case you lost it here it
is, andy_designer@hotmail.com.
He did say I could email you photos and tell you a bit of what's going
on here. So I'll do that. But first I want to tell you a few things.
You've heard from every single one of us in this family the whole
gammit of what we all think of you. I mean, you messed up...super bad.
You know that, of course. And so I'll spare you all the things that
Andy has problems with because you know it all at this point, I'm
sure. (ie: screwing up the family name, treating mom the way you have,
being a waffling fence-sitter, and a covenant breaker, and huge
hypocrite to name a few specifics.)
But I don't know how much you really know about your Andy's love for
you. It could be a trait of the youngest child, but I think he's been
hurt the hardest by this whole fiasco. I know that's a pretty
subjective thing to say. But the memory that keeps coming back to my
mind whenever I have the courage to talk to him about you is the night
Andy and I were married.
That night he and I knelt together for our very first family prayer
and he said it. He thanked heavenly Father for me and for the
eternities that we were going to be able to spend together because of
the covenants we were going to keep with one another and Him. He
thanked Him for the special day, thanked Him for me. Then he stopped
and I heard nothing. I opened my eyes to see what he was so quiet
about and he was crying. Not tearing up, but crying. I've never seen
him cry like that since. Then he continued his prayer, "I thank Thee
so much for my own dad and for the great man that he is....the example
he has set for me to know what a good husband and father is. I pray I
can be at least half the man that he is. I will do my best to be that
for Thee and for Jenna."
What a way to start our life together, but you can imagine the punch
in the stomach he had when he discovered you weren't what he thought
you were. He says he's forgiven you, Allen, but obviously that's not
totally true. I don't know where his mind is with this whole thing,
but he's taking this very hard and isn't seeming to let up.
Cheri and I have carefully tried to talk to him, encourage him to open
communications with you but he's just "not ready yet" as he puts it.
I also want you to know that Cheri has been such an ally to you with
this. She's a better woman than I am, I can tell you that right now,
because if you were my husband I would not be so quick to be talking
my kids into having anything to do with you. She has always somehow
said the best things about you and she has only tried to uplift your
image to Andy. I don't know how she gets her heart to do that, but
it's softened my view of you so if I were you I'd be worshiping the
ground that lady walks on.
And then last, but certainly not least, the kids...
They are amazing and loving and smart and so darn fun! I feel sorry
for you that you don't know them. I was so shocked when I heard you
had asked about Ryan and how he's doing and wondering how intelligent
he was and stuff. I can tell you one thing...there's not a sharper
knife in the drawer. I home school Ian in Kindergarten (or did, he's
going into first grade now) and I can't tell you how many of the
questions I gave Ian on his tests that Ian couldn't answer, but Ryan
could. But I'll get to Ryan in a minute.
Ian is 6, 50 lbs, 46 inches tall, bright blond hair, gorgeous blue
eyes, pink healthy skin and a smile that melts everyones heart and
brightens everyone's day. He's so active and smart, but he's a bit of
a space cadet and his mind is everywhere all at once. He's listening
about 40% of the time so things have to repeated all the time to him,
sometimes louder than others. He's got the most infectious laughter
and laughs very hard about 65% of the day. He's got an imagination
that draws in every bit of his surroundings and he has a best friend
on every playground in the valley, whether they want to be his friend
or not. He just expects their friendship and they don't ask questions.
He has fun everywhere he goes and in everything he does. He's also an
avid video gamer. He loves Andy's recent game, Kung Fu Panda, the very
best and is doing Kung Fu moves all over the house. He loves his
brother and sister and though me makes them cry sometimes it's usually
because he's being too fun...too much fun, too rough, but it's not
long before it all erupts into laughter and hilarity. He's a leader
and a very good boy. I love that I get to be his mommy. He's a mommy
and daddy's boy. Every night he has to get "squishes and lovies" from
both of us before he can go to sleep. He's full of affection and love
for his family and is quick to give a hug and a kind word. He's a
great kid.
Ryan is 4 years old (5 in Oct), and is 36 inches tall, weighs 28 lbs,
has shiny, curly, honey-blond hair, huge puppy dog dark brown eyes,
and a sweet partly toothless smile with the sweetest dimples to go
with it. He is amazing. I know you've probably heard that before in
connection with the miracle of his birth and life, but in just the
everyday things, too. He's the most active kid I have ever known. He
puts every other kid to shame on the playground and makes other
parents nervous with the creative ways he uses the jungle gyms, swing
sets, etc. He's always climbing on or up something, anything,
everything. He also jumps off everything, no matter how high they are
(well, within reason). He's got no fear unless he's in water. He loves
to play in water, but he's so scared to go out past the steps unless
he's in mommy or daddy's arms. He's alway laughing, but more than that
he's singing. He has the prettiest little boy voice. He can listen to
any song and have all the words memorized. He helps Ian on primary
songs and is usually the one that conducts the music in Family Home
Evenings. Just this morning he was waiting for breakfast and was
singing, in his own little world, with full vibrato and everything. He
has no interest in video games but loves to watch Ian play. They have
a very symbiotic relationship. He's a bit lazy and will play with the
toys all over his room while Ian cleans up all around him. He plays
hard and is always laughing with Ian. He laughs at everything Megan
does and finds it such fun to "chase" her around the couch. He loves
to read, and though he can't actually read yet he's always having me
sit down with him with a chapter book. Ian can't sit still long enough
to read these kinds of books, but Ryan just loves chapter books. We
recently finished the Spiderwick series (5 books long) and he likes to
dress up and do his hair like Jared Grace. He loves hugsand cuddles
from his mommy and daddy and he's so small he fits perfectly in our
arms and with how active he is he takes precious moments to just relax
in our arms and allow us to snuggle with him. Cherished times.
Megan is 1 (July 3), 30 inches long, 20 lbs and has very curly brown
locks, grayish blue eyes and 7 teeth with one more on the way. She's
not walking yet but is standing with help from furniture and is so
precious. She's active and her favorite thing to do is climb the
stairs which she hasn't figured out how to climb back down yet. She
has a heart-shaped birth mark on the tip of her nose and she's got
pudgy sweet legs and arms. She's perfect. She loves her big brothers
and follows them everywhere they go. When she's up in their room and
playing with something they don't want her to play with they put her
on "time out" on the bed with a toy they pick out for her. We're
working that out. She says "mommy, mama, daddy, hi, bye, and
night-night" She hates to have her hair done up and loves to clap and
sing and do patty cake. She doesn't suck her thumb and loves to hug on
stuffed animals. She's very much a girl and squeals her disapproval of
not getting her way. I've never heard a pitch that high before...it's
blood curdling and we're working on that too. She's precious and
wonderful and she makes this place just that much more fun.
So, that's the kids. I'm including some pictures that I took for
Andy's birthday. For a long time he's asked me for some framed photos
of the family so I took each kid out and photographed them and had
them framed for him to take to work. He loves them and shows them to
his colleagues...so I'll send them to you.
I wish things didn't have to be this way. I wish none of this had ever
taken place with you. Most of all I wish I had known the person that
Andy believes you were when he was young. I never knew him. That's sad
for me. But I'm glad I could write and "talk to you". I hope you have
a safe trip. Sorry it's not working out to see Andy.
Jenna
PS, I've included a few more photos we've taken in the last year, too.
 |
| Family Hike |
 |
| Ian Cutes |
 |
| Megan loves swimming with Dada |
 |
| Daddy and Megan swimming |
 |
| Megan blessing day |
 |
| Daddy's boys |
 |
| Toothless Ryan |
 |
| Ryan always climbing trees |
 |
| Ryan and his dimples |
 |
| Megans angel kiss birthmark |
 |
| Megan loves the flowers |
 |
| Darling Ian |
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